Imogen, Alaric and the end of Dave

IMOGEN

“thunk goes the head
thudsuck goes the knife
as you insure she’s dead
and forgive your wife.”

A girl walked resolutely along the side of the road, her head bowed, her footsteps measured. Were someone to look in her eyes they would see a sort of desperate calm, an intense concentration hovering on the edge of complete breakdown. Her badly dyed, spotted hair was almost too short, revealing her painfully thin, pointed pale face to the elements. If that someone to listen very intently, they might be able to catch a glimpse of her thoughts, so loud were they inside her head. The hills are turning purple in the distance, the sun is going down. I wonder why he can’t stand me, why he throws me around? I wish there was something left for me, I wish I didn’t have to leave. Someday, maybe you’ll understand, someday maybe you’ll see what I see…This dirge played over and over in her head, and as it became too loud for her to take, so loud that the cacophony obscured even her vision, her eyes filled with words and thoughts and colors, and finally the chemicals in her brain exploded in a burst of light. Simultaneously, she swerved, losing her focus and stumbling toward the middle of the road, careening out of control.
Headlights appeared at the crest of the hill and became a streak of light against the fading sky. A screech, a thump, a crash. Then, silence for one second, two.
The car veered away from the crime scene, leaving a crumpled bag of bones behind, while the boy driving turned his wide, young doe eyes to the road ahead, panicking quietly.
Later, he told people he hit a deer.


ALARIC

THANK YOU.
To my babytwin sister for dying and never knowing it. To my dad, for making me be everything I never wanted to. To my mom, for leaving my dad behind right when he needed her most. I hate this. I hate all of this music. Thanks to the record company for putting it all on an EP. I hate my life right now, and I hate that I can’t deal with it. I hate that I hate myself, and I hate that I hate myself. I’m sick of being that emo kid who might be famous someday for being in some band that wrote and performed bad music and then burned out on drugs or fame or money. Thanks to everyone who believed in me, though I’m not sure why you did. Thanks to the boys in my major, the ones who are going to be Successful Businessmen someday. You’re the only ones I really understand, and the only ones I want to understand me. This is the last attempt I’m making at music. If this fails like all the others, plummets into nothingness, into oblivion, I’ll become a business man and I’ll never look back. Here we go. Thanks to anyone who’s reading this right now, because it means you might have bought this. Thank you. My name is Alaric, and this is me giving up.
Once I knew a girl
Knew that she was meant to live
She was born at midnight, screaming loud
After I pushed my way out ahead

This girl was never happy
Could never understand
Why some other girls had moms and dads
That watched out for them- that held their hands

As the days kept growing longer
Her face grew longer, too
Until even I didn’t know her anymore,
(Though I thought I did) I didn’t have a clue.

I told myself she was just irresponsible,
That she was negligent, or unsure
But I thought she was smart, I thought I knew
Thought she had finally found a cure

And then one day she just started walking
All at once she walked away from me
Before she left she spoke to no one
She left no note that I could see

That girl-she’s all gone now
And she’s never coming back
I don’t know why she left here (I’ll never know)
All I know is that I ignored the only chance she had

Sometimes at sundown, and others late at night
While I sit alone-beer in hand
I swear I hear her whispering in my ear
Maybe she’s trying to help me understand?

Even though I do my best to listen
I know there’s really no way in
I’m too stuck in my own life and problems
There’s no way I could even begin







Hey, you, don’t forget we have a date!
Starts at seven, don’t be late
Put on some tight jeans and lace up your shoes
Get ready for a wild show
You’ve got more than just your voice to lose

I bet you weren’t expecting
Your face to get blown off right from the start
But since when did you ever give me a warning?
Could I have missed it?
The way you missed the part of the song where I offered you my heart?

You should have known you had it coming
Known that I could never let this go
Now’s your chance to start running
3,2,1…red, red, green…
Pause.
And go!

Because running away is what you’re best at
Yeah, it’s just what you do
I’m not sure what gave me the idea
That stupid idea
You know, the one that I could hold onto you?

The music’s playing louder
The band’s not ready to leave
Everybody here is dancing
Everybody except you and me
And I can see in your eyes that you’re anywhere
Anywhere but here
Anywhere but with me

Because running away is what you’re best at
Yeah, I guess I know that it’s just what you do
So I’m just really not sure what gave me the idea
That stupid, inane idea
You know which one I’m talking about?
The one that let me think that I could hold onto you







The interrogation lights are burning brighter
And now I’m starting to perspire
The detective is looming closer-
The best that money could acquire
I don’t have the answers to your questions
Even though I committed this crime
With your eyes you see right through me
Can you tell me what I’m hiding inside?

The clock keeps ticking louder and it triggers
A flashback that foreshadows of truths catching fire
The detective is pacing now,
So I know we’re getting down to the wire
I know you need the answers and they’re here!
I’ve got them somewhere
But I can’t tell you where I hid them
They’re somewhere lost in that mire

My life is falling apart
All because you branded me a liar
I’ve got nothing left to hope for
Because there’s no way to rid myself of your ire
Not much in life is worth waiting for
Not the sound of the town crier
Announcing the daybreak, announcing the hour





















Rockabye, Rockabye
Baby sister of mine
Go to sleep, close your eyes
I’ll make everything just fine
The monsters can’t get you here
Of that I’ve made quite certain
Now close your eyes and go to sleep-
I’ll just turn my back for a second-
Less!
I just need to close the curtains

And when I turn around
Please say that you won’t be gone
Even though I should have seen it coming
Knew you were leaving all along.

Rockabye, Goodbye
Baby sister of mine
Go to sleep, close your eyes
I can’t make it all right this time
You gave your self up to the monsters
And the evil, screaming demons
The ones that hollered in your ear-
“You’re unsure-you’re a bad person!”
and no amount of begging
and no amount of pleading
could have saved you from your monsters
I guess I always knew that you were leaving.

(repeat)













Honor is a funny word
Means lots of different things
Means we’re stuck like trick horses
Jumping through flaming rings
Means I’m honor-bound to follow
Walk in your footsteps without regret
Means I’ve got no choice in where I’m going
Means I already know where my path ends
I guess I could have fought it
I guess I did right from the start
But when the chance came along to stop it
I didn't have the guts
So I'm stuck here writing songs
about things I'm too afraid to change
and others I've never been able to face
I don't feel like a prince
I've never felt like a knight
but every time I come home
you holler "honor, honor!"
and you always win the fight
But still I keep on coming
keep on doing what you expect
because how could I not?
without honor, what have I got?




DAVE


I never found out why she called me that night. We never talked about it. And, anyway, I was never sure she remembered, or that she had even been conscious of what she was doing at the time. But regardless, it was never spoken of, and we hadn’t been to the park together in a long time, so it was a surprise to hear her suggest it.
I pulled off the side of the road, into the weeds I had been parking in since I could drive, and climbed out of the car. Seeing that Cindy was still sitting and staring, I went over to her side and opened the door for her. To me, it’s not so much chivalry or being a man, it’s just common courtesy, and Cindy probably wasn’t going to get out of the car without some help, so I gave it to her.
She climbed out carefully, resting her hand lightly on the car for balance, every move deliberate and slightly pained. I wanted to reach for her, to gather her into my arms and hold her there and never let her go, but she looked so fragile, with her hair just barely curling out of her ponytail around her ears and down her neck, her ears standing in stark contrast to how thin her jaw and throat had become. How had I not noticed that? How had I not noticed that she was wasting away?
We picked our way over to a hunk of cement, me with my hands jammed in my pockets, trying not to look at her, trying not to walk too close, but afraid that if I didn’t stay near she would fall and I wouldn’t be able to catch her. She walked almost heedlessly, arms wrapped around herself, head down, blank eyes staring at the ground. I could tell she was trying not to cry again, so I waited until we got to our cement hunk before I said anything. When we were both settled, she beat me to the punch.
“Dave?”
“Yeah, Cindy? What’s on your mind?”
She turned to look at me, and as she stared me right in the eyes she said the words I had been dying to hear for as long as I had known girls didn’t have cooties. I wondered later why I wasn’t happier to hear them.
“Will you kiss me?”
It took me a second. Would I what? Then it hit me. And as I carefully, slowly, inched my lips toward hers, I whispered, “yes.”
Right at that moment, I couldn’t think of a more perfect ending. Everything I had ever wanted was being handed to me on a silver platter. Our lips met, and it was everything. Everything and nothing. To me, it was an extension of everything we already were, the logical next step in what we had. She wasn’t perfect, but she was perfect for me, and the moment that this was caught up in was also far from perfect, but it also was perfect for us, for our mess of a relationship.
There was a noise, and she pulled away, startled. Though she was far from new at kissing, I liked to think that she was still the little girl I had befriended all those years ago on the inside. I liked to think that she still wanted to be a princess. I looked away from her and saw a girl sprawled on the ground. She got up, dusted herself off, and looked at us ashamedly.
“Sorry! I’m in a photography class, and a friend of mine told me about this place, and I didn’t really think there was anyone here! I’m just leaving! Don’t mind me!” She scurried off, clutching her camera, messenger bag embroidered with the initials “E.M.S.” knocking against the backs of her knees as she departed, traveling away from the road.
“I wonder where she thought she was going?” I mused aloud, and turned back to Cindy. She was still sitting in the same place, eyes fixed on me.
“Who cares?” As she said that she grabbed my shirt, pulled me toward her and kissed me again and again, until all I could think about was how lucky I was.
It wasn’t what most people considered a happy ending. For some, it might even have been a little sad. But to me, right then, it was a happily ever after, a dream come true. Cindy and I were everything I could have asked for…and more.




Elizabeth hurried away from that embarrassing encounter, wishing she was less awkward, less clumsy, less…her. She clutched her camera, carrying it as though it held the key to another world. In some ways it did. The love in the eyes of the boy in the picture she had taken was something she had never experienced, and didn’t think she ever would.