Dear Dave,
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, a thousand times thank you! Thank you for helping me live out my dreams by sending me to this beautiful city for a whole month!
Paris is beautiful. I’ve pictured it a million times, read books, looked at pictures, and yet nothing, nothing at all compares to the reality-this city is my ultimate, my heaven, the only place I ever really wanted to be… other than with you, of course!
There is art EVERYWHERE and, oh, the shopping! I can’t even begin to describe how it feels to walk down the Champs Elysees and pretend- even for just a little while- that I live here, that this is my every day reality…
But fear not, dearest Dave! When my month is up I am coming home, and I am sure that by that time I will be eager to return home-
To you.
Love,
Cindy
Darling Dave Dearest,
Yesterday the owner of the apartment you arranged for me to stay in arrived home! Here is the scene-I arrive home after a day spent perusing the Louvre, unlock the door, collapse on the couch, and a man walks into the living room! Can you picture my face? I bet you can, dear Dave, you were always very good at that sort of thing.
But anyway, Tony told me that his business in Mumbai had been cut short and so he has returned home early. I was disappointed to find that my Parisian Excursion was to end so soon- but he insisted (as your very dear college friend) that I should stay the rest of my time (still over three weeks!).
Since it is Paris and space is at a premium this apartment has only one bedroom…
But fear not, my White Knight! I will sleep on the couch. If I am honest, I feel that I would sleep in the streets if it meant that I could stay just one more day in this beautiful city.
Forever Your Damsel,
Cindy
Dave dear,
Today Tony took me all over Paris- to the places that the tourists don’t get to see. We went deep underground to look at the catacombs (all of those bones! I wished I had you to hold on to) and then had a delicious lunch in a small bistro. Tonight he is taking me somewhere special, he said. I am very excited.
Tony is so fun, Dave! Why did you never introduce us when he was nearby? He says he travels very much and that he is often near where we live in the States AND that he gets very lonely, because it’s not often that he knows someone in his travels. Are you hiding something from me darling Dave? You would never do that, would you?
Of course not! I am only joking with you!
Your Funny Girl,
Cindy
Davey,
Tony has offered to let me stay longer, and I found myself unable to resist. He says that he will only be in the city for a little while longer (a week or two at most) and that a month really isn’t long enough in the City of Light. I will be home as soon as he leaves, he has even offered to book my flight at the time as his so that we can wait at the airport together, and bid each other adieu.
You don’t mind, do you Dave? You know that I have always wanted to travel, that is why you sent me here. I am still missing you!
Your Ecstatic Friend,
Cindy
Dave,
Just two more weeks. I promise. Then I will be home.
Cindy
Dear Dave,
Since you never received the majority of my correspondence (due to the fact that I never mailed it) I guess you probably deserve an explanation.
Tony and I (as you may have guessed from the second-to-last letter that you received) hit it off very well. Too well, you probably think.
The truth is, Dave, that I love Tony and I love this city. I love the life that Tony offers- travel, adventure, excitement. I never got a chance to be young, Dave. I was too busy repaying you for that one stupid mistake. I know you thought you did moved past it, know that you consider yourself a very forgiving person, and that you congratulate yourself daily on your ability to put that incident behind you, but I could always see it in your eyes, Dave. You always looked at me like I was…something that couldn’t be touched. Something that needed to be protected and preserved. Behind this was a feeling-a feeling that you didn’t WANT to touch me. That if you did you would have to face the fact that I was human, that I made that horrible mistake-THAT I ABORTED A BABY WHEN I WAS SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD.
There it is, Dave. Spelled out, black and white. Are you still reading? Or did your Christian principles force you to stop when I confessed my sins? Can you really love me as much as you think you do-as much as you say you do-when I did something you consider such a heinous, disgusting act?
I don’t honestly think you can.
You never really saw me as a person, Dave. Tony does. He understands that I am fallible, and he doesn’t try to forget things that I have done wrong. He talks to me about why I did them and tries to understand, and by doing this he makes everything…easier somehow. I don’t feel like I’m always tiptoeing around him.
This is why I want a divorce, Dave. The papers are enclosed. You can keep the house, the car, most of the money. You will probably never see me again. This is goodbye, Dave.
I hope your ending is as happy as mine is turning out to be.
Yours,
Cindy
Official Transcript of the last conversation of Patient #23 and
Dr. Collins, MD
(As requested by the DA in the court case The State of Ohio v. Joe Muldoon, in which the patient listed above was the suspect involved in a hit-and-run case concerning the death of one Imogen Weller.)
23: I’ve been feeling strangely lately, Doctor.
DC: And why is that?
23: I don’t know. I haven’t been sleeping, even after a full day of work and a soccer game, I just can’t seem to get any sort of sleep at all. And even if I do fall asleep, I have these dreams…
DC: what sort of dreams?
23: awful dreams. The visual isn’t good- it’s really blurry and wavy and sort of-distorted. It’s the sounds I can’t take. First there’s this long screech, like tires trying to brake after going too fast, like someone is trying to avoid hitting something. Then there’s this crash, and I can hear smashing, like headlights, like someone beating headlights with a baseball bat, or like someone threw themselves bodily at the front of a car, just to see what sort of noise it would make.
And then….
DC: and then…?
23: There’s this sort of thumping noise. Have you ever played soccer, doctor?
DC: no.
23: oh. Well, there’s this sound that bone makes when it’s breaking, and the only place I’ve ever heard it is once, during a soccer game, a teammate of mine got slide-tackled and broke his leg. I was too close to him, and I could see it-it’s not something I really ever wanted to see, the bone breaking like that-but more than that. I could hear the bone snapping inside his leg, hear it give up and just….ugh.
(Patient begins breathing deeply and places hands over eyes, trying to collect himself. He sits that way for a full minute before continuing).
23: this sound is like that. But louder. Only, not. It’s not really louder, it’s just sort of, more intense, like I can feel it just as much as I can hear it.
After that I always wake up. And I always feel more tired then before I fell asleep, and I always have a headache. Like I’m hung over, or something. Which is ridiculous, because I haven’t drank anything stronger than Pepsi since I was seventeen years old…
DC: mmhm. Interesting. How is your sex life?
23: Oh, you know. It’s hard, being single and bald and a little chubby. I haven’t had a date since that girl I met on the Internet. Kelly, I think? I never called her. She had seven Shi Tzus, and I really, really don’t like Shi Tzus. They make me sneeze. She didn’t call me either, though, so I guess it wasn’t a very successful date.
DC: uh-huh. Yes. So. How about your work life? Are you feeling fulfilled in your career?
23: Not any more than the last time I saw you. I don’t know, I guess I’ve always felt like…I can’t move on. From high school? Ever since then I’ve just always felt sort of…I don’t know. Guilty. Like, I don’t know. Like there was something I needed to make up for. Do you ever get that, doc? You ever feel like you didn’t finish something, or get that nagging feeling that there was something you needed to do…but no matter how hard you try, you can’t think what that could be?
DC: No. But I know what you’re talking about. This has been very informative, shall we say next week at the same time?
23: Yea, okay. See you then, doc.
Approximately four hours and thirty nine minutes after this session, the patient was pronounced dead of a gunshot to the head. The case has been ruled a suicide, making these documents no longer subject to patient confidentiality, as per the court order requesting them.
